SNS 24

Emotions, relationships and violence

( Updated at 13/10/2023 )

9 minutes of reading

In a healthy relationship, conflicts are positive when they lead to a better understanding of both parties and contribute to a positive evolution of the relationship. If the conflict style is aggressive or disrespectful of the other person's boundaries, then it's unhealthy.

What are healthy relationships?

We can all have different ideas about what healthy relationships mean, however, in general, a healthy relationship (whether in a context of friendship, couple, family life or professional activity) is one in which we feel supported and feel good for being who we are.

What is violence?

Violence can be physical, psychological, sexual and/or financial. It is defined as the intentional use of physical force or power, actual or threatened, against oneself, another person, or a group or community, which results in, or is highly likely to result in, injury, death, psychological harm, developmental impairment, or deprivation.

What are the differences between a healthy relationship and an abusive relationship?

Differences between a healthy relationship and an abusive relationship
	Healthy	Abusive
Communication	They talk openly about feelings, listen to each other, and respect each other's opinions, even if they are contrary.	In discussions, there are shouts, threats, insults. One of the elements devalues, belittles, or ignores the other.
Respect	They value each other as they are, even in differences. They are a form that shows esteem and respect.	There is disregard for the opinion of the other, ignoring, despising and/or jeopardizing their physical safety.
Equality	Decisions are made together, being willing to negotiate and compromise.	Only one party makes decisions, the one with the most power and control in the relationship.
Affection	They feel in a supportive relationship where there are manifestations of affection and sharing of feelings.	One of the elements takes pleasure in making the other feel bad by making it unpleasant.
Trust	There is mutual trust, which is reinforced as they get to know each other better in the relationship.	There is insecurity and obsessive jealousy, with attitudes of distrust about the other.
Freedom	They respect each one's individual space, with separate moments of life.	There is permanent control over the life of the other, which can lead to situations of isolation.
Honesty	There is honesty in the relationship, while acknowledging the importance of respecting individual privacy.	There is recourse to persistent lying, blaming others and minimizing their own actions.
Sex Life	There is open dialogue and consensus on sexuality.	Sexual practices are determined or imposed by one of the elements in the relationship, which can lead to sexual abuse and/or rape.

Why is it important to maintain healthy relationships?

It is important to try to maintain healthy relationships throughout our lives because the relationships we establish with other people throughout life help us to know ourselves better. In addition, healthy relationships improve our ability to love and be loved, contribute to physical and mental well-being, and can even contribute to a longer life. Having supportive relationships also increases levels of oxytocin (a hormone that is related to well-being) and decreases cortisol (a stress inducer).

What should be in a healthy relationship?

The relationships we establish with others are not static nor are they perfect. They can have "ups and downs", with good moments and more complicated or crisis moments, sometimes becoming "toxic" or abusive.

From a global point of view, in a healthy relationship, there is:

Sharing
negotiation
safety
confidence
honesty
communication
equality
respect

How do I know I have a healthy relationship?

It is possible to identify a healthy relationship when:

They occupy their free time in the way they wish
There is equality in the relationship
understand conflicts as a way of reaching a mutual agreement
There is mutual personal growth through the relationship
share the same values and vision
There is trust between the two
They are happy for the other person's successes
accept the other person as they are

What is in a toxic relationship?

It is possible to identify a toxic relationship when:

Are together all the time
One of the elements dominates the relationship
has difficulty communicating at home of disagreement
remain the same (there is no personal growth) regardless of the length of the relationship
They have different values and are not willing to compromise
There is control of the other person's daily activity (mobile phone, emails)
feel insecure or jealous of the other person's success
They look for change in the other so that they fit into their ideal

What can happen to us if we are in a toxic relationship?

low self-esteem
irritability
Sadness (continued)
abuse of alcohol and/or other substances
Problems with sleep
Eating Problems
insulation
anxiety (ongoing)

They should ask for help from healthcare professionals if they experience any of these problems.

How do I identify a violent relationship?

Violence is any type of abuse, control and power imbalance in a relationship (couple, family, professional or other) that can cause physical and/or psychological harm, including death.

Neglect can also be considered a form of violence, although more passive than active. Examples of negligence are the neglect of someone's health, food, hygiene or safety or, as a last resort, the abandonment of care to those who need it, namely elderly and/or dependent people.

What are the forms of violence throughout life?

Throughout life there are several forms of violence:

Child and youth abuse
bullying
Dating Violence
Violence in intimate relationships
sexual violence
Violence in pregnancy
violence against lesbian, gay, transgender and intersex (LGBTI) people
violence against the elderly and/or dependents
Violence in the workplace
human trafficking
persecution
female genital mutilation
forced marriage
racism
Other forms of discrimination

What types of maltreatment are there in children?

According to the World Health Organization, child and youth maltreatment refers to any non-accidental action or omission perpetrated by parents, caregivers or others that threatens the safety, dignity and biopsychosocial and affective development of the victim. They may include:

negligence
Sexual abuse (sexual violence)
psychological/emotional maltreatment
Physical mistreatment

What are the consequences of child abuse?

Children who suffer maltreatment may experience:

Low weight
developmental delays
Behavior changes
agitation

How do you define bullying?

It is characterized by a child who continuously intimidates and abuses another, with no possibility of defending himself.

What are the characteristics of bullying?

The characteristics of bullying are:

Power imbalance between those who attack and those who are attacked
repetition and continuity of aggressive behaviors
intentionality of aggressive behaviors, with the aim of frightening, hurting, humiliating and intimidating the victim
possibility of the existence of one or more victims
Cyberbullying – when violence is exercised via technology (social networks, email, chats, etc.)

What are the consequences of bullying?

The consequences of bullying are:

Psychological disorders
school failure
School absenteeism
difficulties in establishing relationships
difficulty in academic/professional decision-making
homicide and suicide, in the most serious cases

Is there also dating violence?

Yes. It means that one partner is violent with the aim of putting themselves in a position of power over the other.

How can this violence manifest itself?

It can be emotional, verbal, psychological, physical or sexual, often without the young person being aware of the situation. Obsessive jealousy is often a factor in maintaining a violent relationship, mistaking it for a proof of love. Pressure to have sex is also common. This type of violence is more common in children and young people who experience violence in the family.

Is it possible to prevent dating violence?

Yes. Through an education based on respect, equality and the sharing of tasks between men and women, it is a factor in preventing violent relationships. Parents and educators must convey the message that violence is unacceptable and must be attentive, affectionate and available.

What situations increase the danger of violence in intimate relationships?

When there is violence in intimate relationships, everyone suffers, directly or indirectly, and it can occur in dating, between people of different sex or of the same sex, in all social strata, professions, ages, culture or religion. The increase in the frequency and intensity of violence, as well as the withdrawal from the relationship, increases the dangerousness. It is good to remember that domestic violence is a public crime, which concerns couples, or ex-couples, children and the elderly.

Is there also violence in pregnancy?

Yes. Pregnancy can be a risk factor for violent behaviour in intimate relationships and has negative consequences for the health of mother and baby:

Trauma and physical injury
insufficiency in pregnancy surveillance
Harmful consumption
risk of preterm birth
low birth weight
miscarriage or termination of pregnancy
mental health problems, such as depression or the lack of emotional bonding with the newborn

What does violence against lesbian, gay, transgender and intersex people mean?

Homophobia – i.e. the prejudice, fear and rejection that many people feel towards lesbian, gay, transgender and intersex (LGBTI) people – is often based on gender inequalities. Homophobic attitudes and behaviours disrespect lesbian, gay, transgender and intersex people and make them more vulnerable to violence.

How can we prevent it?

We can prevent violence against lesbian, gay, transgender and intersex people by:

To better understand the reality of lesbian, gay, transsexual and intersex people
respect and accept those who have some characteristics that are different from the majority of those around us
Being accepted as a citizen, being welcomed in the family context and being able to publicly express who we are and how we are, is a sign that we live in a society where respect for diversity and individual freedoms is promoted

Are elderly and dependent people also subject to violence?

yes. Many older people are in a situation of dependency and may be more likely to be victims of violence.

At a time when average life expectancy continues to rise, illness and disability are more likely to occur. There are also often more economic difficulties at this stage of life. All of this increases the degree of dependence and increases the risk of being abused. As a consequence, the elderly or dependent person who is a victim of abuse can aggravate their health condition and even die prematurely.

How can we prevent this kind of violence?

We can prevent this type of violence by:

Identify risk factors
Detect clues in time
provide support to the caregivers of the elderly or dependent person
Know the support networks that exist in the community

Is there also violence in the workplace?

yes. Many of the cases of violence occur in the workplace – such as health services, schools, universities and businesses – and affect people of both sexes and all ages.

What are the consequences of this type of violence?

There are many effects of violence at work, including:

Physical and mental illnesses
sleep disturbances
Disability and death
absenteeism
unemployment
Low commitment and productivity
Decreased quality of products
Negative effect on the image of the organization

Many people don't ask for help because they're afraid, ashamed, guilty, insecure, or lack of support, they depend on the abuser, or they don't accept that it's a problem. The truth is that, with the passage of time, violence tends to become more serious and frequent.